Sarah Colonna
I thought I might spice this place up a little by bringing a touch of my Happy Hour and a Celebrity Encounter to mingle with the sports talk. I was lucky enough to interview THE Sarah Colonna of Chelsea Lately, because she is super nice like that, but mostly because I have a good blackmail picture of her that I threatened to use if she didn't give me this interview.
The lovely Sarah is a die hard Angels fan and General Hospital addict. Please read on for her deep and intellectual insight on both topics.
Thank you for sitting down to do this interview with me, Sarah. You look hot. But let's start from the beginning and let's talk baseball. You're not from around these parts of California, are you? Can you let our readers know where you grew up and how you became one of those crazy baseball fanatics?
You look pretty nice, too. Thanks for reminding me your boobs are bigger than mine by wearing that shirt. I grew up in Arkansas, but my dad has lived in California most of my life. Great job starting this off by making me tell you I come from a broken home, by the way. Anyway...he was a sports editor for the Orange County Register and the LA Times. Since I visited him in the summer, we always went to Angels games since he covered them. So, I'm an almost-life long fan.
I have to commend you for not being a Dodgers fan. All of us San Diegans loathe The Dodgers and whenever @HeatherMcDonald posts a picture of herself at Dodger Stadium, it only makes me like you more. Tell us, how do you survive working in an office of Dodger and Red Sox fans? I'd probably kill myself.
Heather isn't a Dodger fan. She hates sports. She just goes, takes her kids from time to time and smiles for a nice photo op. But there are some Dodger fans around, who I just ignore. If they bug me I just remind them that their fans try to kill people. That usually brings the mood down and baseball talk stops. Kind of like what I did just now.
Have you ever made out with a MLB player? If not, I think this is the perfect venue to put the offer on the table.
I haven't. I really want to. I've always dreamed of being a baseball wife. I know that baseball players probably cheat, but I don't care. I'd sit in the stands and clap while sipping Chardonnay and figure out which of his team mates I would like to get back at him with. I don't know if any players are reading this, but if so please contact me. Let's do this.
I need to ask you an intelligent question now. See, I have this crowd of readers fooled into thinking I know anything about sports. Recently, your Angels had a pretty rad game. Ervin Santana delivered a solo no hitter for the first time in 27 years for the Angels franchise. What does this mean and convince me that it didn't make this game like THE. MOST. BORING game ever to watch.
It was so not boring. It was great. You're an asshole. Have you ever thrown a no hitter? I didn't fucking think so.
On a scale of 1-10, how drunk do you get when you attend the Angels games?
About an 11. I take the train, so no driving is involved.
Why is Los Angeles so fucking self absorbed that they had to change the Anaheim Angels (<---Way cooler) into the Los Angeles Angels (<---Lame)? Just to make us San Diegans hate them, too? Talk about a smack in the face to Mickey Mouse.
Don't get me started. Screw the Mickey Mouse crap, that was a rough patch. When they won the World Series, Eisner stood on the field with a Disney t-shirt on. I wanted to punch him. How about an Angels t-shirt, asshole? But, the whole name change thing was ridiculous. To be fair, LA was where they started. They played at Dodger stadium until they got their own. But, they were known most of their time as California Angels, from the mid 60s until your boyfriend Eisner took over. Then they changed it to Anaheim because that's where his lover Mickey Mouse lives. Are you happy? Now I'm irritated.
Let's talk about that idiotic Rally Monkey thing that went on when the ANAHEIM Angels won the world Series. Do you worship that little son of a bitch? Or would you agree he needs to get laid and calm down?
He's pretty embarrassing. But I still root for his dumb ass every time he comes jumping up and down. Whatever gets the win.
Let's pretend for a hot second that the Angels were playing in the world Series and you had a ticket. That same night was going to be a revival of General Hospital from the 80's with Bobbie Spencer and an encore performance of Don't Talk To Strangers by Rick Springfield and you had front row. Which would you choose to attend?
Angels, definitely. Mostly because it would be possible that by the time I got to wherever Bobbie Spencer and Rick Springfield were playing, they'd both be dead.
Lastly, we all really want to know about @JoshWolfComedy and his balls. Do they really hate Josh? Are they also Red Sox fans? Why are you the only account on Twitter they follow? Are they as hairy as they like to portray themselves? Who is the bigger asshole -- Josh or his balls?
Josh's balls are weird and scary. I'm sure they're Red Sox fans, which makes them also annoying and loud with a dumb accent. They follow only me because they are stalkers. They are wrinkly and angry and I don't want to keep talking about them for I fear a new attack.
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Thank you, Sarah. You were far more patient with me today than in our normal conversations, so I appreciate that. I think you only cussed at me like 6ish times. Next round is on me, girl.
You can find Sarah's website and her WWSCD Q&A HERE
You can find Sarah on Twitter @SarahColonna
You can find Sarah on Facebook HERE
And of course you can always find Sarah on Chelsea Lately on E! Stay tuned for her book Life As I Blow It to drop Feb of 2012. Go HERE to pre-order your own copy. This girl will NOT let us down. I have a feeling this will be the must read of 2012.
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